I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
