Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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