You really coming over, don't trick.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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