Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
