I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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