Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
