Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
