after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
