I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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