Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could fuck to npr.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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