I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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