i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
