I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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