so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
