i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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