the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Did I show you my penis last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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