so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
