called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
