I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
