Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
