Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
