Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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