We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We left the knife in your bed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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