1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
