You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
