Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
4 words: hood of his car
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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