The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Mom said you looked used
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
false alarm, still single
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
