I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think i have two assholes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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