so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
