If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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