I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
