I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has the fingertips of a God
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