i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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