i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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