I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
