its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
