i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
