Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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