Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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