Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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