I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
