Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
