There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
