He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
