Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
