Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
