Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
