Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
