In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
