In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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